my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
