Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
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