ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
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