I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
