i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
