hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
