There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
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