I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
