I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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