I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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