i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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