i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
