Where are you?
In a non slutty way
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
