She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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