So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
