the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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