we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
