You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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