i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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