Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
