I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
