My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
