i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
