It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
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He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
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Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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