planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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