Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
