Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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