based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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