I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
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