Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
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