How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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