3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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