How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
