I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
