I'm jealous of your bromance
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
