Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
