I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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