I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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