saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
