Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize