just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Randomize
