is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
