FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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