Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
