You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
