dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
