So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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