Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
