The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
