Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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