Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
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