I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
