I should be sponsored by Trojan
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Randomize
