What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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