we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I wish i was in the wii world.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
