ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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