She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
