I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
