so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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