My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
