so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
