So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
