i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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