we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
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To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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