It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
