I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
