I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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