I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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