my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
